Can i judge myself

A decade ago. Maybe we see ourselves as weak. Not good enough. Deeply flawed. Maybe you often think in shoulds. I should be over this by now. Psychologist Karin Lawson, PsyD, regularly hears these kinds of statements from her clients. They also judge themselves for their emotions. Their sadness. Thankfully, this is something you can work on. Below, Richberg and Lawson shared their strategies for judging yourself less.

Richberg suggested activities such as yoga and meditation for sharpening your attention. Take your time and use as many senses as possible while you eat, shower and perform other daily activities, she said. What do you feel during these activities? This is a concept that was difficult for me to grasp at first. Think of it this way; a lot of the times we tend to judge people we compare ourselves to.

Some of these things, like a great career, a bigger house, a family, better relationships, confidence- are things we, ourselves, crave; things we work toward. Those are some of the things we ourselves want out of life. That we tend to judge others by the same measures we judge ourselves. We judge others through measures, values, which are important to us. We tend to forget that it is not up to us to dictate values and rules by which other people should live. That, for one, is nearly impossible.

I once read somewhere that imperfection , just like death, taxes, and change , is one of the few things that are certain in life. The goal here is not to suddenly turn into a perfectly enlightened being, to monitor every single thought, every spoken word, and every judgment that enters your mind. My temper suddenly became a huge issue. There was a day when I was on my way home from work, talking to my husband when I started screaming at him over some stupid shit.

Once I took a few deep breaths and calmed down a bit, I called him, I apologized, I started crying and saying just how sorry I was. It took me a minute, but I finally decided to let it go. I had to bring myself to a place of peace; place of non-judgment; I had to tell myself that the judgmental and unloving voice in my head is not who I really am — and this is true for you, too.

You can never let go of that self-judgment entirely, but you can change the way it affects your emotions. If you want to work on judging yourself less, you have to focus on your power to be more mindful; the power to remove the emotional burden judgment brings. There is a certain sense of freedom that comes with allowing yourself to see those judgmental thoughts, without… judgment.

Notice those judgmental thoughts and emotions attached to them. Allow yourself to observe the judgment, without bringing more judgment into the equation. And then you let go. Once you release the judgment, you have to keep reminding yourself that you want your actions to come from a place of love, a place of peace. Actually, who are you no to be?? The journey to self-discovery and acceptance is a long one. Stop doubting yourself.

Thankfully, in these situations, I am able to walk away and keep my judgements to myself. At least that is a step in the right direction. Like I said to Kathy, that is also my weakness.

And if I fail, then I do what you said and walk away and keep my judgments to myself. At least that allows me to stay peaceful and sane :. Hi Shola, I am 35yrs old. I grew up with 4 older siblings. Today I struggle with my feelings of past judgements that I experienced growing up. I often remember moments from my past and to me, now as an adult I feel like I was often misjudged back then, like the judgement was unjust. Although I was and am very aware that judging others based on what I see or hear without knowing why a person does or says what they do, is not nice and i guess wrong of me.

I was actually less judgemental as a teen to young adult. Which makes me sad about who I may become and that the person I worked hard to be better has changed or forgotten her why. Sometimes i think a person can be perceived as mean when they are not trying to be mean. But u cannot change the way others may interpret you. Anyway my point is in reference to your curiosity of how must they have raised to think that its socially acceptable behaviour.

And my thoughts are maybe they were raised to think that behaviour is acceptable because of the ppl who raised them treated them that way. That person may be working on ridding themselves of those unhealthy ingrained beliefs and are struggling that day to because it is very difficult to change the way you see, act, react to things when its all that person has known from day dot.

Thankyou for your lessons, they act as a reminder that being kinder and trying to make a change in and for ourselves and others lives for the better is what we fight for everyday. Kathy, I have to admit that these days, mean and rude people are my weakness when it comes to judgment. I hope that you had a great Labor Day! It never works. I have friends who call me judgmental for that. What I do have control over is myself, how behave, and how I choose to spend my time. That is so true, Maria!

There is a very fine line between using good judgment and being judgmental. Good for you for not wasting your time trying to gain acceptance from the mean girls at the gym! Spelling might be a bit off.

PS Loved the retreat. Je parle francais, aussi! That is such a great quote and it is SO true. We all have a judgmental streak, and the key is to become aware of it, and ideally ask what is the real issue behind the judgment. Yes, there is definitely a culture of women tearing down other women, and the best way to combat against it is to not participate in it which can be hard to resist, at times.

Also, thanks for the kind words about the retreat! Well said, Shola! People can be cruel, mean, and downright rude. They will do anything they can do to make themselves out to be better than someone else.

I had two aunts get into an altercation recently because of this. One did the Ice Bucket Challenge, and the other thought her cause was more worth fighting for. It started out as judgment for this, and then ended up spilling into judgment for every other aspect of life. The worst part is all of the dirty laundry was aired on Facebook. Every time you point your finger at someone else, there are three more pointing back at you. But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.

Facebook can be such an ugly place for judgment, and I see it there all the time. Hi Shola, I love your positivity and the insight you bring to the table. I often wonder if it is a deep down mechanisim that provokes these nasty people to be that insecure to try and i emphasize TRY to use emotions as a steam to get other people to follow their meanness.

When I see someone being mean and hateful to someone or directly to me. It definitely is a turn off. I simply walk away.

No need to be around negative auroas. Keep holding your head high what you are doing is a good thing. Enjoyed this read. In all honesty I was looking for info on how to deal with judgemental people. But when I started reading this it made me reflect on my self. I really try not to be judgmental but I catch myself doing some of the things on here. I also catch myself being curious to why people act the way they do. Am I wrong to want to limit my interaction with these self loved and judgmental people?

Thank you for your sharing this info on judging others. I have been guilty of this quite often. As I get older it seems to get worse because I think I know everything haha. I live in an affluent neighborhood where most of the people are quite fit, dress nicely and have expensive houses and cars. It can be easy to get caught up in that trap along with everyone. The folks that I am surrounded by are also extremely competitive.

This is passed down to their children and it can be a very sad situation. Sporting events out here have become almost comical. Anyway, thanks for your wise words and I really appreciate your example of the lady in the gym. I will try to remember that the next time I try to judge someone. What a helpful blog entry. Thank you. I have sensed insecurity in myself in the form of judging and went looking for a blog that might address it.

The part about being curious was so helpful. It seems like it would allow empathy to maybe take the place of the judgement. Get Started Here! Earlier this year, I decided to do a day experiment to observe how and why I judge myself and others.

I started the experiment by first bringing awareness to each time I judged myself or another person even in my own thoughts! During my first day, I could barely keep up with all my judgmental thoughts, actions and statements! At times, I felt as if the majority of my thoughts were judgy! It was as if my brain was scanning for opportunities to judge and it was as I would discover later on in my experiment!

I have to admit, after a month of observing how and why I judge, it was hard not to judge myself for being so judgy!! I work for myself after all and I want to make the best use of my energy!